Kyphosis of the cervical spine.

In layman’s terms that means the natural curve of my spine in my neck is not only gone, it is going in the wrong direction. The “C” is opening toward the front instead of the back like its supposed to.

Since I am not aware of any trauma to that area (like whiplash for example), the cause is pretty much unknowable. Could be all that hunching over a computer for that last 14 years. Could be the way I sleep. Could be that I never developed the proper curve. But it strikes me that is related to the fact that I have spent much of my life trying to hide. Curled up in a little C shape, protecting all my vulnerabilities like a caught caterpillar. Trying to make myself as small as possible. It has structurally become my default position.

For years I have been having intermittent muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders, and even tingling in my left hand. I never had it checked out. It always coincides with stressful times and so I figured it was just my body telling me to chill out. But this time, just last week, I decided to see a chiropractor. And he pretty much figured it out immediately. I had x-rays to confirm.

I have slowly, progressively stooped.

And it stops here.


What I did not know at that time was that he had won the presidential award for excellence for math and science teaching in 2002 and was named semifinalist for the colorado teacher of the year in 2010


My word for 2013.


I thought for a week or so that it might be “truth”. But then I had a moment of clarity.

Sitting in my in-law’s living room in Tacoma, by the fireplace. I was struggling. To be quite honest I was invited to open up to someone I care about and was paralyzed with fear. It was just an invitation to share in a phone call and I couldn’t do it. And I asked my husband why he thought that might be. And he let me ramble on about needing to perfect and not being able to edit, and middle school drama impairing my trust, and injury to my sense of self.

And then he hummed to me…”This little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine.”

And it was so unexpectedly expected. And so spot on. (He’s good like that). So.


it is.

Light ')}

Aaron sams also received the presidential award for excellence in math and science teaching, in 2009