Back in December of last year I chose a word for the year ahead, like many do. My word for 2012 was “realize”. And I nailed it, but in a completely different way than I intended.
What I meant by “realize” was to stop doing so much thinking and start acting. What happened was that I thought. I thought a lot. Sure, I got some things done. I started this blog, for example, a place to think out loud. And after Matrilumina in August, something in me took a right turn, and I just needed to stop putting so much pressure on myself to Do. I needed to just sit. And be.
It took a while for me to understand that, of course. For months and months I was just frustrated with myself that I wasn’t getting things done. I would sign up for an e-course and would kinda just sit and listen to what everyone else’s experience was rather than participating myself. On facebook I would read important, meaningful conversations happening in my circles, and not comment at all. Hanging back. I didn’t create the business of my dreams. And I got pretty upset with myself for all that.
And then I realized that I am a do-er. I do, do, and do all day, every day. My husband and I joke about our shared online calendar being like a game of Tetris. We fill open slots with the appropriate shaped activities as quickly as we can. I am a mom to a toddler, I cook and I love it, I clean, I plan playdates, I work, I am becoming a yoga teacher, I knit, I create, I connect, I compost, etc. etc. What I am not very comfortable with is the not-doing. And this year was about realizing how equally important the not-doing can be. Slow down. Pay attention. Sit and listen.
I needed to pull back and rest to get back in touch with myself, to identify what is really important to me, and learn how to select to do those things, instead of trying to Do everything.
In the meantime, I wish you all inner peace and contentment all throughout the New Year. ')}